GIVE HER THE BENEFIT OF EVERY DOUBT
When you find somebody who is worth it — as in really worth it — it gives you pause at the very least, provided you have a working brain and an honest heart and soul. Pause to think. Freely, clearly, rationally and as expansively as you are able.
Are you grateful? Are you aware? Can you see the value of what’s looking you in the eye? Do you care?
All of us have a tendency to fall into that unforgiving abyss which can swallow you up like the 1980 Pac-man arcade game icon, and that would be euphemistic for the loathsome and insufferable habit of taking for granted. (Both people and things). We do it all the time.
And sometimes it can take an event of epic proportion to snap us out of this self-induced haze and malaise. Only in the aftermath of such a happenstance do we recognize the errors of our attitudinal ways. Problem is, by that time it is often too late.
It shouldn’t take a tragedy in our lives to awaken us. A horrific accident. A shocking act of God or nature. Unfortunate results of a poor choice or series of them.
I mean all you have to do is look around to see how lucky you really are. This cajoling admonishment — from a parent or from whomever — typically fell on deaf ears when advanced back in the day because those ears were too young to tune in at the time. But the older — and presumably smarter — you get, its truth and value become easier to see.
We should be grateful for whatever we have always. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Every second. Because it could all change in a heartbeat. You could step off the curb and…
I have heard that line forever and used it myself a few times. ‘You could step off the curb and be hit by a bus,’ attempts to boldly underscore the notion that you never know. You never really know what can happen next. You make plans and God laughs. And so on.
In a bizarre and macabre twist, this very kind of incident blasted our family to the moon and back some time ago. My brother and his wife stepped off the curb and into the crosswalk — with the crossing signal, mind you — and were hit flush by a flatbed tow truck. Yup. Seriously. And seriously injured, she more severely than he. Their lives changed in that millisecond. The lives of the inner sanctum comprising the family’s core changed in response.
Forever? Silly to even consider that potential really because only God knows. You just react, you don’t have either the unmitigated gall or the pomposity cloaked in ignorance to try and predict. It’s normal and natural to pontificate I suppose but the wisest and most loving and caring response is to do just that — respond.
But we’ll get to that.
My question at the moment is, do people — did they — know what they have before it is so gravely threatened and perhaps taken away for good? My guess is that of course they knew but didn’t think about it much. Because most people don’t.
And this is not to say that if you spend a lot of time assessing and acknowledging and somehow documenting your gratitude, it protects you from harm. It does not. One thing has nothing to do with the other. But it likely makes you feel better and certainly humbles you. Two good things to have in your hip pocket when facing the world’s travails and unknowns.
So today we have a scenario where my sister-in-law, the do-it-all superwoman of that or any side of the family is slowly but surely — methodically, deliberately and with a powerful tenacity of purpose — making her way back from a devastating and debilitating traumatic brain injury. (My brother suffered a host of more minor, albeit still serious injuries from which he has largely recovered).
The woman who so selflessly and tirelessly attended to the needs of four generations of family members while working full-time finds herself in unfamiliar territory as anyone would. Joining her in these uncharted waters are her mother, her husband, her children, her grandchildren and the rest of us. We all are learning to see her differently and to think differently in response. We try to make ourselves available in any fashion and we hope and pray.
The trickle-down effect is profound and no one could be more directly impacted than my brother who has never had to do anything for himself. He (and I) grew up in a household and during a time where the father worked outside of the house to support the family and the mother managed the home, also to support the family. Obviously societal mores and family dynamics have taken a near-180 degree turn since then but his lifestyle has been such that somehow he’s been exempted. Now he’s in a bit of a fix. His wife who did everything for him and for others can no longer — for now — do.
As my nonagenarian barber would say, “aah, life my friend…we no have control.” Well, about that he is correct, but we can control our behavior and our thinking. We must aspire to the ideals of gratitude, kindness and humility always, but particularly before, and not just after the fact.
My brother will be alright; he will be forced to learn on the spot and learn he will. And my made-of-steel sister-in-law will fully recover in due course, I know it.
She gets a lifetime-pass and the benefit of every doubt — just as she always should have — now and forever.
