ALCOHOL — THE STAND-OFF: SHE DOESN’T WANT IT IN HER LIFE BUT I WANT SOME OF IT IN MINE; WHAT TO DO?

What do you do when you love someone and something, but the someone implores you to no longer love the something and is fiercely adamant about it, offering no wiggle room for compromise?

Spice the situation with a dash of this notion: your beloved was your A#1 partner in “crime” for a long while with the “crime” being your affinity for the “something.”

She may not have loved it but she sure-as-shootin’ liked it. A lot.

And now — and for quite some time prior — she wants nothing to do with it and demands the same of me.

This is far more serious than the classic double bind; the old, “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenario; or the renowned Catch-22.

And a simple “riding on the horns of a dilemma” will not cut it.

Because the implications here are far-reaching and impactful. An awful lot is at stake.

It is incomprehensible to be thrust into a position of having to choose between a person and a thing. Unconscionable really.

Because people by mere definition are or should be more important than things.

And when you throw love into the mix, the road is fraught with the countless landmines of fright and peril. The myriad of potential countervailing circumstances is broad.

First of all, in a perfect world one should never dictate to another.

The world is imperfect and it happens. In fact, it happens all the time.

The issue then becomes one of acquiescence and acceptance and ultimately happiness and/or regret. Perhaps as important is the ability — or inability — to live with oneself in terms of quality and sound decision-making and the resultant self-esteem quotient.

Because the abilities to be at peace with oneself and to like and love oneself can never be overestimated or overstated.

These very abilities may represent the only set of emotions or sensibilities which possibly could compete with the power of love.

Possibly.

To me, this business about being happy with oneself assumes an intergalactic significance when attention is paid to the fact we come in alone and go out the same way.

Alone.

Without anything or anyone. Period.

Nobody really knows what it’s like on the other side. In spite of the proliferation of science-fiction mumbo jumbo, tarot cards, palm-reading and the like nobody has died and come back to tell us unequivocally what happens over there, up or down.

With this in mind it becomes even more critical to like and yes to love oneself — to be at peace with oneself.

But we don’t live alone, in a bubble. And of those who find themselves living that lifestyle, chances are they’d probably rather not, if honesty were to prevail.

But who knows?

So we deal. We sacrifice. We make concessions. We compromise. Or try.

But what if one party will not budge?

“Aaah, LIFE my friend.” The go-to phrase of my nearly ninety-year-old barber.

LIFE.

It can be glorious and magical. It can be hell on earth. It can be what you make it…or not.

The prospect of the unknown can ensure excitement or terror. Both, in fact and with all kinds of feelings and emotions in between. A wide swath is cut and the passage of time does its best to fill it in.

You are a facilitator and a bystander within the process. Resilience, stamina and determination are key.

You never give up in the fight for whom — and what — you love.

Because you are you.

[Editor’s Note: This piece was written by Mr. Kaplan in January 2017.]